We hit 'em hard.

As you can probably tell, the previous post on the trip to China was unfinished. That was due to the fatigue, and also the cold that had crept into my fingers due to the less than warm heating provided by the air conditioner.

Now I'm back in Singapore, and the rashes have almost disappeared. The skin peeling due to dryness is also better. Truly, I must be allergic to China or whatever it has to offer.





I was speaking of the "Bao Jian" shop. So anyway we went in and soaked our feet in some sludge, which had precipitated when some packet of powder was poured into some water. It was brown and all, much like Jello. So anyway as we were soaking our feet a promoter came in and described all the products the shop sold. It sold burns cream, the packet of mud-forming powder, some medicated plaster and cordyceps.

So he began doing the usual - describing the miraculous properties of each of his products. The one that attracted the most attention was the burns cream. He boasted that when applied to a burn which hadn't swelled yet, the area would not swell and would heal much faster.

To demostrate his point, he brought in a heated metal chain. Heated meaning having a jet of flame directed at it till it was red hot at the centre. The jet of flame originated from a burner(thus termed due to a lack of a better term" carried on a cart, as was the chain. As they brought it into the room where we were idyllically soaking our feet, I could heard the "voooo" sound made as the jet of gas streaming out. It came as quite a shock to me, as I was expecting something less extreme, plus I could feel the heat emanating from the flame as it passed by my seat.

I had seen such a display before, during a trip to another part of China; they were selling a burns cream too, whether it was the same brand I cannot remember. However, this time I had front row seats, right in front of the guy who was going to burn his own hand just to cinch the deal. Previously, the act was done in front of something resembling a lecture theatre, and I was seated way back, far enough the dismiss the act as a sham due to lack of observed details. This time, with the person barely a body length away from me, I could detect no false trickery, and felt quite sorry for him. To prove that the chain was indeed going to cause a burn, he took a piece of paper and stuck it towards the red hot area of the chain, and it caught fire.

He didn't touch the red hot area, which was understandable as his flesh would probably have melted and stuck there. He didn't grab the chain, but scraped the lower part of his palm against an area close to the red hot area.

Ouch! He looked to be pain, and probably was. After his stunt, a attendant nearby lathered a generous amount of "Bao Ling" burns cream on the affected area. The thing is, he used his right hand. Assuming he was right handed, that is not very clever, unless of course it did not really hurt. After 15 minutes, he showed us the affected area, and it was blackened, but not swollen.

Thus he proved his point. However, seeing as how he used his right hand, I had a few doubts even though my eye did not observe any falsehood. He did not touch the red hot area, which was understandable, but since it was a metal chain, could the heat not have conducted that well to the other part of the chain which he touched, resulting in a lower temperature? Also, the affected area of his palm was blackened. Could the chain have been covered with a layer of soot or other things such that the area he touched would have not burnt him?

Even as I list my doubts, I have to admit that it was pretty convincing then and now. I have no idea whether it was for real or not.

After his stunt, it was time to remove my feet from the jello that it was soaking in and let some workers massage my feet. The massager who was going to massage my feet was a young lady, and she kept sighing for some reason. I suspect that they earned their bread based on commission and she wasn't all too pleased that she was going to massage the foot of a person who would probably buy nothing and earn her nothing. Anyway I had already decided I would decline the offer, as I felt the whole thing was a con and I didn't want to be part of it. So I told her there was no need and proceeded to wait outside.

I went to the toilet and saw Mr Stuntman in it. I wonder if he was running his hand under the ice cold tap water to soothe the pain. Anyway, as I waited outside the room, another "vrooo" sound preceded what was another "fire-dealing" cart - another batch of tourists had arrived and they would be treated to the "spectacle" as well.

posted by chee  # 12:23 am

China... Ah. Land of the conmen. Mayhaps con is too strong a word, but it will do.



I've been here for 5 days, and so far I ain't seen nothing worth my bloody time. Sure, there are many mountains, some of them snow-capped, and plenty of rivers, but I can see all these on the discovery channel. It just ain't worth it braving the cold just to see some hills and water.



It's fucking frigid here, though the worst should be over since the trip to Shangri-la is over and that's the highest point (literally and otherwise). For those who don't know, at higher altitudes it's supposed to get colder.



The road so far...



The first thing you notice when you step into Kun Ming is...

Well actually bloody nothing. When you step out into the airport from the plane, nothing strikes you. Ok maybe there are faces with more chinese features. No doubt, the airport is not as grandiose as Changi, but it does its job.

The second thing you notice, as you step out of the airport. The gratuitous use of the honks by chinese drivers. It simply just grabs your attention, and sure as hell not in a pleasant way. It's as if there was a nipple on every car's steering wheel, and the deranged drivers couldn't wait to press it. Maybe honking gives them a sense of pleasure or superiority? Could it be the irritating assault on one's hearing reminds them of a certain bedroom sound? Whatever the hell the case is, the problem exists in Beijing and Shanghai, and I have no doubt in most of China.


Then I stepped into the toilet. My nose was running (since the morning, probably a natural reflex to warn me against coming since I've been to China around 3 times, none of it I liked), from whatever I am not sure, and it was kinda blocked.



But the smell of the toilet got past whatever was blocking my nose, and I could smell the usual dried piss on the ground smell. Which was expected, since even in Singapore such things are common. Then you turn on the tap to wash your hands, which I have observed to be uncommon behaviour for people here. The water is ice-cold. Maybe that's the reason people don't wash their hands after handling their penises? Well I don't think it's a very good reason.



So after finding the local tour guide, me, my brother and mother got into a coach. A small one, probably fits 30? Our tour group had 14 people including us. On the bus, there were 7. So where were the rest?

Much to my displeasure, I realised that the people were arriving from Xiamen since they had gone to visit their relatives. Their flight was due to arrive at 1.30 pm, and I was in the bus at around 12.30 pm. What an abso-fucking-lutely brilliant way to start a tour - by waiting for other people from your tour group for an hour. As you can tell, I'm not exactly a patient man.



There was a wee bit of amusement since 2 of the people with us on the bus had lost their luggage as they had checked in at the wrong counter due to miscommunication between them and the Singaporean who had overseen the checking in and distributed the tickets.



I felt ripped off, since waiting in a bus for others for an hour does not exactly fit the idea of fun to me. Retarded motherflippers at the tour agency who thought it would be ok to keep some of the group waiting, well they were wrong. Well they sure as hell ain't getting business from me in the future.



After the others arrived, we set off - meaning a coach ride that lasted a few hours. Which I hadn't planned for. An oversight on my part, and a cunning move that those mofos at the tour agency left out. Whoresons. As a result, I didn't bring anything along to entertain myself. No violent books, musik or anything. Which meant having to stare outside at the scenery. Granted, there were high mountains that dwarf Bukit Timah Hill and verdant farmlands full of green crops that look like the cow grass you find everywhere in Singapore. Also, there were rivers that aren't like those in Singapore.

However, I've seen those before, or at least I think so. So it was entertaining. For like 30 minutes. Also, there was the tour guide rabbling. It was interesting sometimes, as she talked about the ethnic tribes around Yunnan, and their practices. Most times it was not. She talked about how "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" kinda crap. Basically we were not supposed to call the people Xiao Jie, cause that was derogatory and was used to refer to harlots. Supposed to call the females Ah Si Ma and guys Ah Hei Ge.

I didn't really give a hoot about it, since I figured as long as the person is close enough to you, you don't need to address them. Just cut straight to the chase and tell them what you want. Saves the trouble of memorising terms, and also eradicating your self-felt sense of ridicule at having to call people unfamiliar terms. She also warned of altitude sickness, the extra UV rays due to the closer proximity to the sun, and the dryness of the air due to the thinner air. I didn't pay much notice to the last, but as I'm on medication the effect is compounded, and the result is not a pretty sight. My skin is scaly now, and goodness is it disgusting.

After she stopped yakking, I tried to sleep, and when that failed, I mused. Mused on how the fuck did I get there in the first place, and vowing never to make the same mistake.




FUCK IT. I'm allergic to china. Just took a shower and there are rashes and it fucking itches. Like some STD, it's disgusting. Had it 3 days ago but it didn't itch this much. Thought it was due to the dryness, but now I'm not so sure. It's scaly and full of bumps. What I do know is that I'm in China and this happened. Now I'm pissed. This is day 5 by the way.

So back to day 1.

After a torturous journey, we arrived at the place where we had lunch. Surprisingly, lunch was decent. Tasted like normal food, with steamed egg, fish, roasted duck and sweet and sour pork. There was also booze, which tasted normal. So no complaints there. For the moment.

With lunch over, we travelled to some temple in Kunming. Another great coach ride. I observed that the buildings in China look the same everywhere. Bejing, Shanghai, and Kunming. Buildings look pretty much the same to me. Maybe it's just me, maybe it's their architects or city planners.

Stepping out of the bus and walking along the streets to the temple, my olfactory senses picked up something familiar.

The fucking china stink. In Shanghai and Beijing, I had detected this offensive odour. I have never really figured what emits it, and neither am I very curious about it. It is just a idiosyncracy of China to be dealt with. My mother said that it emits from people who don't bathe, due to the winter and sarcity of water. That's not a good enough reason for me. If this is true, they need to be purged. As for myself, I think it's the streets themselves, but it doesn't matter. A stink is a stink and if possible it should always be avoided.

Back to the temple. Well I'm not a buddhist so I can't judge. One thing I learnt from the trip there was the difference between luo han, fou and pu sha. Basically just different ranks of immortality or something to that extent.

Fou > pu sha > luo han

Ooo but the temple stank too. Guess it's a local thing. Think the China tourists and locals spit inside it too.

After the temple trip was another marvellous coach ride to a place where they sold pu-er and "shan qi" (literally translated 37 but it's tian qi the chinese herb) tea leaves among other elixir ingredients. According to them anyway.

The way I see it, it's con shop number 1, out of many. The shop is set up by the Yunnan University of Agriculture, so it was supposed to be "authentic" and not overpriced. Maybe not set up by the Uni but just endorsed, but who the fuck cares as far as I can tell they're just part of the con.

They basically prey on tourists, providing a place to shelter from the cold, and letting them sample the different teas one by one, explaining the miraculous effects of each as we sample each cup of tea. Pu-er tea leaves from Yunnan is supposed to be better cause they are grow at high altitudes or something along that line, and their Pu-er leaves are harvested from trees rather than shrubs unlike other plantations. Pu-er is supposed to be kind to the stomach, and be good for many other damn reasons. The shan qi tea is supposed to be good for anti swelling properties and altitude sickness. I could have messed up the magikal properties of the teas, but can anyone blame me after the plethora of buffs they attritube to like 5 kinds of teas? If I didn't know any better, I'll say chewing on tea leaves every day grants immortality after their little educational talk. Oh wait, maybe it does? They are good, these promotors. I guess they have to be, since China is filled with so many people and the competition is intense.

After that's done, they pounce. Did you know that Pu-er tea leaves make better tea as it ages? As long as it doesn't spoil, according to them anyway. Well neither did I, nor do I care. There were 3 or more grades of Pu-er tea leaves that were sold. One was kept for one year, another for 2 or 3 and the last kept by 9 years or more.

The 1 year one did taste different from the rest, had a grass kind of taste to it, but the 2 or 3 year one and the 9 year ones tasted like the Pu-er you get served in Singapore. This did nothing to explain its price, which was like 200 yuan for a 2-3 year tea "biscuit", which in my opinion is BS. I'll take my english tea over that any day. My family didn't buy any, but others in our tour group fell for it. It's ok to buy one or two I guess, but the problem is, once you start showing interest, the promotors don't let up. They keep offering you better deals just to increase your purchase, and weak-willed or toonice people just fold under the intense pressure. Say you want to buy a single Pu-er tea "biscuit". The promoter aka conman/woman then proceeds to tell you you that buying 3 will grant you a free Pu-er tea biscuit.

It will probably appear to be a very lucrative offer. Say you relent. You'd think the promoter would be satisfied. But NooooOOo, she just keeps going. What about changing that free Pu-er biscuit to a more expensive one? Or maybe to the shan qi tea leaves? You just have to top up the difference. And on it goes, till even the strongest-willed buckle. Some guy in my tour group bought over 700 yuan of tea leaves, thanks to the "persuasion" of the promoters.

After conshop 1, another marvelous ride on the coach to dinner. It was pretty much more or less the same food as lunch. After dinner they dropped us off at a local shopping area, as the 2 people who lost their luggage had to go get clothes lest they freeze to death.

My family didn't have much to shop for, except for some sunblock. So we had extra time, since the tour guide left us to shop ourselves and meet at a arranged location at 10.15 p.m. So after wasting time at Mac's we went back to the trusty coach and headed for our hotel.

Boy was the road back an eye-opener. Some of the roads were actually dirt roads, and since the coach was small, its suspension system was not really all there. Up and down we went, like some bumper car ride. Except it wasn't all that enjoyable. And some parts weren't lit at all.

The hotel was not bad, but it was a 5 star hotel so no surprise. I caught certain parts of Mr and Mrs Smith on TV, though the show was quite lame it was a little entertaining.

Day 2

Woke up in the morning to go to some Peacock Park. Which was totally fucking stupid cause it was so fucking early and it was damn bloody cold, and all that trouble just to catch some bloody peacocks, which is something you can see at Siloso beach. And the peacocks were all caged up, had quite a few of them. Apparantly they were caged up cause some tourists (mainland ones according to our tour guide) plucked their feathers, and some peacocks became roadkill after wandering out of the park. Cocks with peabrains eh.

I didn't realise it at first, but beside the Peacock Park was a large herb hall, which was highly "coincidental" seeing that the trip the the Peacock Park was a "gift" from the tour agency as we were unable to obtain tickets to some performance by the minority tribes in Yunnan, as it was booked by the government. That suited me just fine, cause seeing people dance to musik I detest is really not my cup of tea.

Of course, with the tour guide on the previous day extolling the virtues of some locally procured herbs, like shan qi, who could resist? According to her shan qi when uncooked and eaten in powder form can prevent high chlorestol. And when cooked it helps to "bu xue" or improve blood flow or something like that. Whatever. So everyone bought something, and it wasn't cheap. The tian qi in Singapore is cheaper, but according to the worker there it doesn't have the uncooked properties, meaning it doesn't have high chlorestol prevention effect.

So after the Peacock Park or herb hall visit, we went for lunch. It was mostly Same shit, different day. I think it was fine though. Then we went to another Yunnan University endorsed or whatever "Bao Jian" (health mantainence) shop. According to our tour guide, it offered free foot massages, and was planned due to the ardous coach journey we had ahead to Dali. She told us not to worry about the foot masseues not letting go of our foots unless we buy something, which was what some other joints did. It was highly amusing.

posted by chee  # 7:28 pm